Double Take

I thought I heard a happy Yngrdttr singing under her breath this morning. Smiling to myself, I listened in…

“I’m a muscle, you moooooove me.”

The “mooove” part was so sultry it took me a minute to parse the first part.

I suppose that’d help folks remember anatomy. Forget Schoolhouse Rock, let’s go with Pointer Sister’s Anatomy Academy.


Astromomy Homophony

Yngrdttr had to do a Google search because her science book mentioned something and she was curious about it. I’ve only been listening with half an ear to her muttering because I’m reading a book of my own. She talks to herself constantly.

“The onomatopoeia galaxy blah yakkity blah”

“Wait, the *what* galaxy? Would you spell that for me?”

“The A-n-d-r-o-m-e-d-a galaxy. ”

“Ahhhh. Good guess on the pronunciation, honey, but let’s go syllable by syllable.”


Tide Pods

Reading up on the Tide Pod challenge. A COLLEGE student just ate one. Well then. That says it all about our educational system, if beer bongs and pong hadn’t said it first.

I also read the the challenge may have originated with a joke by the Onion. So, satire is to blame. Not stupidity. Uh huh. Gotcha.

Folks, lock up your harmful household chemicals from the little kids. Have a talk with your bigger kids about not being %#÷^*[ idiots. Show them how to crush beer cans on their foreheads or climb a pole and swallow goldfish live – call it “retro” or “vintage”, they’ll dig it.

Not to diss convenience, but, why are people using these things? I tried the dishwasher version and that outer coating doesn’t even fully dissolve. Soon the plasticky slime-mush will join with the fat bergs already lurking in the sewers, grow self-aware bacteria, and it’ll be all over for humanity. Save yourselves!

I buy a huuuge bucket of detergent at a time. It lasts forever, something like 1200 loads. The bucket is repurposable (toting rabbit poop is another conversation, entirely). It comes out to something like 10 to 12 cents a load.

You do have to be able to lug the thing in and open it, but after that you can just use a coffee can (or similar) within easy reach.

It’s also presumably more “environmentally friendly,” so there’s that. In my experience that usually means you have to use a bit more product but it STILL comes out less expensive!

I’m pretty sure not a kid out there is gonna think it’s cool to stick their face in Charlie’s bucket and try to eat it. (Don’t take that as a dare, kids, I’ll make you eat charcoal and like it).

A-hole Chicken

No, I’m not mad at one of the hens… more than usual, anyway.

I bought a roasting hen at Trader Joe’s ($1.99/lb) and decided I wanted to maximize the yummy, crispy, delicious skin. I began my hunt for a vertical chicken roaster. (I was tired of trying to find an attractive selfie match on Google Art and Culture and needed to get started being productive).

No,  seriously,  I’m being productive. 

Aha, I said to myself, why waste time? Use Google to see who has one? (I didn’t want to make beer can chicken, just vertical). After yelling at my phone a few times I got a list.

Lowe’s was the nearest place. Excellent! I zipped over and found a folding beer can chicken grilling thinggummy. Not what I wanted. Apparently I didn’t look closely enough and the one I was looking at was only available online.

Alrighty, then. Tried to go to my favorite specialty cooking shop I never make it to because I’d have to sell a kidney to afford anything bigger than an egg cup. They were no longer there. So I drove further down the road.

Bed, Bath and Beyond. As per usual in my experience, they didn’t have what the interwebz said. They had the same type as Lowe’s. Also, this location was closing so it was more of a madhouse than normal. As a cranky, irritable person I intensely dislike going there. I love all the stuff, oh yes, but not the actual place.

Fine. I tried Wal-Mart next, on the way back towards home. Surely they’d have one. After cruising half the store and not even scoring ONE POINT running over anyone, a worker told me the grilling section was in the Garden Center. Duh. Grills and charcoal. Nothing else. Not even the can kind.

At this point I was considering going to get some beer for the excuse of having the damn can. And the alcohol. A gallon size can and some wire coat hangers. That’s it…

Went to pick up my child at school and regaled my friend with the blow-by-blow. She told me the little specialty shop moved OUT BY THE BED BATH AND BEYOND.

Ok, fine. Of course I love driving back and forth on the same road. Especially with the great drivers we (don’t) have.

Made it, child in tow, to Now We’re Cooking. I love this place, like I said. The very friendly saleswoman helped me find…. the same type everyone else had!!! I did see an angel food cake pan with insert that’d probably do the trick but my kidneys didn’t feel like paying $25.99 for it.

This is not the rack you were looking for. Move along.

The Target is right by our house so I went there before I gave up and ordered from the Internet Overlords. I knew I wasn’t going to find the kind I was looking for so I went for the angel food cake pan idea.

When I got home I realised the pan I bought was all one piece. GARGH!! The sides of the pan – or the alternative, bundt pan – are too high, interfering with the browning I’m looking for. I’ll be returning it tomorrow.

Cake pan

In the end, so to speak, I decided to use a tall canning jar, the kind you’d use for asparagus or long beans.

I set it in a round cake pan for the drippings. We use the drippings for latkes.

I’ll let you know how it turns out. Hold my beer. On second thought….

Seasoned with salt and poultry blend. Cooked at 350° until dark golden and meat thermometer read 170° or so. I cranked it up to 400° for 15 min at the end to get it really crispy and thermometer said “done” in the poultry range. I’ll just give it longer next time.